Greetings my friends!

And welcome to the island of Conga Bongo!! We are pleased that you have chosen our humble abode as your destination for truth, mirth, and jaw-dropping enlightenment!!

I couldn’t help but notice that a good many of you were shocked😱by the recent statements of our old favorite Uncle Joe! You couldn’t believe that he views us black folks as a homogenous group that stays in lockstep on all matters! And to this I say, “Come on man!”

Did you not remember him declaring to a black man that he wasn’t really black if he didn’t vote democrat? Surely you weren’t shocked by that too, were you? 

Don’t get me wrong! I think it’s disgusting that someone would view blacks as a monolith. But, on the other hand, should you really be shocked by someone having such an opinion when, year after year, blacks, by 95% or higher, vote for the democrat ticket NO MATTER WHAT!?! If that’s NOT a monolith, then what the heck is?! And the crazy part about it is, that party that we (well, not me personally) keep in office is the one that, by policy, does everything they can to make sure we stay right where we are: angrily ensconced in their barnyard of victimhood, assured by them that, once they get even with the ones they’ve identified as our enemies (privileged whites, racist cops, Trump supporters etc), everything will somehow be better. Of course, maybe it’s just me, but I’ve never quite understood how harming one group could translate to the betterment of another group! 

So, you may ask, why does that happen? Why DO black Americans vote one party when nothing ever gets better when that party is in power? I’m glad you asked and I’m going to answer that by referring you back to what Joe’s first racial foot in the mouth of THIS campaign season (cuz Lord knows, in years past, he’s said MANY equally reprehensible things about race): You ain’t black!

I hope no one is thinking that he made that up himself cuz he didn’t! That sentiment has been around since I was but a wee lad and I’m sure it was around way before that! And honestly, I can’t really tell you what it means (to black Americans writ large) to be “authentically” black! I know it when I see it but I can’t define it in words. I’ve heard some say that it’s soul but that doesn’t tell the whole story by a long shot. It would actually be easier for me to tell you what it ISN’T and, for SURE, it definitely isn’t inclusive of conservatism (and, more and more, it’s sadly becoming something that’s not inclusive of anything patriotic)! 

I hate to admit it but I’ve never felt that I was imbued with that gauzy undefinable thing called “blackness”! Lord knows I WANTED it to be part of who I was cuz all my early heroes and idols (talking about the black ones) DEFINITELY had it! Smokey had it! Marvin Gaye had it! Ali had it! Sidney Poitier had it! Sugar Ray Leonard had it and EVERYBODY in Soul Train had it! It, whatever that IT was, was SOOO cool! But, sadly, I was not!🙁

Growing up, I used to get told that I “talked white”! So I tried my best to inflect “blackness” but that always felt so phony to me. To top it off, I didn’t have any deep richness to my voice either. I couldn’t sing a soul song to save my life, even though Motown was such a HUGE influence growing up! But then again, so was Jerry and the Pacemakers, The Beatles, Simon and Garfunkel and B.J. Thomas just to name a few artists that no “authentic” black would be caught dead listening to much less liking! My sister and brother didn’t have this problem fir some reason. It was just me. As a matter of fact, my sister (who was a star at my high school before I got there) was known for her singing talent (she did Dionne Warrick better than Dionne herself) so, when the junior class (who put on the talent show each year) came to me (thinking that I might have some of my sister’s talent) and begged me to audition, I did so with Don’t Let the Sun Catch You Crying! As good as my sister was at singing the ladies of Motown, I was JUST as good at singing anything by Jerry and The Pacemakers. I mention all this to illustrate just “white” I was!! Luckily my high school only had 3 blacks in the entire student body (I transferred there after being mercilessly beaten you at my previous school for, you guessed it, acting “too white”!) so my musical talents were greatly appreciated and, if it hadn’t been for those juniors begging me to audition, I might not have fallen into the greatest fulfillment of my life: writing and singing songs!

Oh, did I mention that I have adult ADD? Yeah, I get sidetracked VERY easily but I’ll try to get back to the point now. 

There’s a movie out now by Larry Elder called Uncle Tom (which, btw, was the term I used in a tweet, not calling anyone that but just using it to illustrate a point, that got me suspended by Twitter for a week!!). I haven’t seen it yet but I plan on ordering it soon and I encourage everyone to do the same because I hear that it’s absolutely BRILLIANT (plus it stars Herman Cain and Candace Owens so how could it NOT be great). I don’t know if they get into ALL the other euphemisms that are used when someone wants to disparage a black person for, essentially “acting white” which I used to get accused of ALL the time (which unfortunately lead me into thinking that I would only be TRULY comfortable, or at least not criticized, with friends and relationships which were the actual color that I was accused of being)! And I know I’m digressing again but, when I went to UGA, I pledged a black fraternity (the best one there is imho…MLKjr was a member plus MANY other great black leaders) JUST so I could try, once again, to embrace this elusive blackness. It didn’t work but that’s a long story for another trip to Conga Bongo!

Where was I? Oh yes, the other euphemisms. Let’s see now, there’s “coon”, “porch n**ga”, sellout, and, well, there’s a bunch of them. I even heard this despicable man who called into a talk radio show say, “I’m not no Clarence Thomas!”  That was his way of saying that he was NOT a sellout because the inference was that Clarence Thomas WAS one!!! And let me make a point about that: being “black” doesn’t mean that you can’t be highly intelligent (as Clarence Thomas surely is and should be REVERED by my community as such instead of put down the way he is) even though, to be “authentically” black DOES mean that one must embrace liberalism/leftism (if one is to embrace any political ideology at all). I say that because, as far as I’m concerned, if you’re a liberal, you’re either not a good thinker or not a good person because liberalism only destroys everything it touches and if you can’t observe that then you aren’t a good thinker. And if you DO observe that obvious fact but STILL support leftist ideology, then you want something that’s bad for the country (as a whole) and THAT makes you  evil. But, in a way, I have to hedge that because Kareem Abdul Jabbar is just as liberal as Lebron James but no one would accuse Jabbar of being on the same intellectual plane as King James! AND I can’t imagine that the greater intellectual of those two (I’ll leave that up to you to decide which is which😉) would really want the worst for this country and HATE it as much as damn near every other liberal does! I may have to think on that a bit more. Let me get back to you on that!

Okay, no more digressions, I promise!! The thing that I’m trying to impress upon you is how ostracized and shamed and crucified you are if you’re a black who becomes universally (meaning within the black community writ large) condemned as an Uncle Tom!! And btw, usually that term nor any of the others is even used when one is labeled as such. Sometimes all you get is a feeling when you walk into a room at say a family reunion where everybody knows everything about you cuz words spread fast within a family. I know I’m not adequately explaining this to you but, trust me, if there’s a black conservative reading this now, he or she knows EXACTLY what I’m talking about. You’re treated like you’re crazy!! Tucker Carlson did a segment on Kanye West just the other night when he was showing how all these talking heads in the media and entertainment were talking about Ye as if he was mentally unstable because he had the audacity to attack the one thing that no liberal must EVER denounce: abortion! You can find religion and even preach it but the minute a black person criticizes abortion for what it is, that person ceases to be liberal and therefore “black”! Even if you’re as famous and as once revered as Kanye, you are an Uncle Tom by striking at THAT tenet of liberalism!!

Eventually white people will grasp this concept of being ostracized from your tribe if you deign time think in ways that run contrary to that tribe’s groupthink. I say this because this new brand of woke liberalism is becoming just as unforgiving of any WHITE person who doesn’t go along, in perfect lockstep, with EVERY single tenet of leftist orthodoxy. Whereas we get labeled as an Uncle Tom for breaking away from that ideological plantation, whites get labeled as racists!! No matter what the issue is, the result is you’re a racist if you don’t agree with everything they say! So the day is coming soon (or already here now that I think about it) when you’ll be called a racist if you so much as vote for a Republican!! It’s the same game that’s been used to keep blacks in lockstep for DECADES!!!

As far as I can tell, there is no such denigrating label for Hispanics/Latinos who act, think and vote in non-liberal ways. So, in a sense, they’re (for now) ALLOWED to be diverse in their thinking. I’d be willing to bet that that was what Joe was trying to communicate with that colossal blunder he made the other day. From my perspective, I see where he was coming from even if most others don’t!!

Okay that’s enough ADD blather for today! Thank you again for visiting us here in Conga Bongo and we look forward to your next trip out! Until then, we wish you well and..

“goonie goo-goo mahka lahka”!

(which, in Bongolese, means:

“liberals have ugly souls”)

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